Nothing Seems Right: Finding Congruence in the Present Moment
Many people work their entire adult lives disliking the work they’re doing, just working for retirement. The statistics are startling: 55-year-old retirees actually die at a much faster rate than those who wait until 65. And many people find that when they get into retirement, it is boring. They miss the importance of work, the value of contributing, and the focus on having something to do.
Parents with children moan they don’t get a break. There is always something to do and worry about. The kids need attention constantly. Then the empty nest approaches, and parents wish their kids were little again and they could stay home with them for a while longer.
When it is warm out, you might wish it was cooler but when the cold air moves in, you long for the heat. When it is busy you can’t keep up, but when it slows down it seems boring and uninteresting. A vacation sounds great until you deal with checking into the airport and encountering rude passengers. The nice quiet Sunday drive becomes irritating when you are cut off in traffic when trying to get out to the country.
Sometimes it seems like contentment is a nice idea, but in practice it’s not possible. The human state seems to be always wanting what isn’t there, and what isn’t happening in the moment.
Imagine if you could learn to be content no matter what is going on for you? Not always happy or upbeat and positive, but simply content. Just to be and make the most of whatever the moment is bringing at that time. It takes work—it isn’t about meditation and giving yourself pep talks and happy ideas.
Becoming content means becoming more aware of what’s happening to you in any given moment. It’s recognizing your negative self-talk and listening to what you tell yourself: “This is bad, that’s good, that isn’t what I wanted,” and so on. Most people have a string of negative self-talk running through their minds constantly, giving commentary and judgment about whatever might be going on.
As a first step, watch your self-talk and catch what you are saying to yourself. Most of the time you will find your mind and narrative focused on something that happened, or something that is going to happen. You will find your mind and your body are seldom in the same place at the same time. It’s hard to find contentment when you are not congruent in your physical and mental being. It’s like being pulled in two different directions—how can you find contentment in that?
Being aware of your self-talk allows you to slow it down and focus it on where you are. Instead of the chatter, move your mind’s attention to your physical body—are you warm, cold, comfortable, sitting in an odd manner? Do you have pain or are you relaxed? Can you shift your body to a more comfortable position? Turn your attention to your body instead of letting your mind run away with you.
Once your attention is centered where you are, start to say a personal mantra over and over again. Something like “This too shall pass”—whether it be a wonderful experience or a terrible one, it will pass away. Or “I am calm, I am confident, and I am in control” to bring your awareness back to your personal strength. Or, “This moment was never before and will never be again. What can I learn from this moment?” to remind yourself of the fleeting nature of time and how every experience leads to learning if you are open to it.
The key to contentment is bringing your attention back time and time again to what’s happening now, what you are experiencing, and your reaction to it. There is rarely any life-shattering difficulty in the now moment. You find difficulty when you go searching your past or considering your future. The contentment and possibility for simple pleasures and enjoyment are stolen from you when your mind and your body are not in congruence.
This takes focus. Your mind will want to carry you away time and time again. Consider that every time you let it do this, you lose your chance for contentment. Work at this; the more you do it, the easier it becomes.