The Benefits of Adversity
“Navigating the new normal isn’t just about looking out; it’s about looking in.”—Arianna Huffington
COVID-19 struck fast and hard when the whole world was unprepared for it. Seismic events of this nature challenge our faith and hope, making us feel scared and helpless, even wanting to give up in some cases. But the pandemic also can be a time to dig deeper into our inner resources and harness the adversity to fuel our resilience. But how do we do that? Many survivors say they lived through the Holocaust by taking advantage of their mental resources—daydreaming or making up fictional stories.
The actor/comedian Richard Belzer said, “Cancer is a cosmic slap in the face. You either get discouraged or ennobled by it.” And in a Barbara Walters interview, the late actress Elizabeth Taylor said she laughed when doctors told her she had a brain tumor. Walters gasped. But Taylor wisely replied, “What else are you going to do?" Oddly enough, Taylor’s and Belzer’s attitudes show that, when adversity strikes, you, too, can make it work in your favor.
Hitting Bottom and Your "Tremor of Truth"
Many people say adversity catapulted them into life’s deeper waters, forcing them to mine their inner reserves, face the threat, and come out stronger on the other side. Recovering alcoholics and drug addicts often report that hitting bottom is their greatest blessing because it wakes them up to a better life—one that is healthier and more satisfying. Physical fitness circles call it the “tremor of truth” when you test your breaking point, pushing yourself to the max. You breathe hard, your muscles tremble and shake, and just before giving up, one extra push—like pushing through solid rock, a vein of encased ore—and you find those hidden reserves you didn’t know you had.
When referring to the motorcycle accident that paralyzed him, Sean said it changed him for the better in ways that otherwise wouldn’t have been possible. “It was probably the greatest thing that ever happened to me,” he said. And he’s not alone. Studies of trauma survivors show that adversity, as counter-intuitive as it sounds, can actually have benefits called posttraumatic growth (PTG)—the experience of positive change that occurs as a result of the struggle with highly challenging life crises can have certain benefits:
Help you see you’re stronger than you thought
Bring new appreciation and meaning to your life
Change your priorities
Take you deeper into your spirituality
Deepen the closeness you feel toward yourself and others
Stuck in the Shallow
When we’re stuck in the shallow of material gain—a new house, fancy car, exotic trips—it can propel us into temporary highs that usually flatten out after a short time. Seismic events, on the other hand, plunge us into an all-time low for a while, but our moods eventually rise back to a baseline of happiness. Scientists and spiritual leaders agree on few things, but they do agree that neither material gain nor external circumstances, no matter how grim, determine peace of mind.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama contrasted two life situations to show how inner peace and tranquility are determined more by state of mind than external circumstances. The first was a woman with meteoric business success who prospered from a financial windfall that suddenly gave her lots of money, free time, and retirement at a young age. After the dust settled, her life returned to normal, and the woman said she was no happier than before the windfall. The second was a young man of about the same age who contracted HIV. Devastated at the news, he struggled with the shock, exploring his spirituality, appreciating the small and simple things in life, getting more out of each day and feeling happier than before the diagnosis.
Far from the Shallow Now
Tell me something, girl, tell me something boy, are you stuck in the shallow? In these critical times, Lady Gaga’s lyrics come to mind. It's easy to get stuck in a seismic event when it comes at you fast and hard. But when we go deeper, we learn to think of our persistence as ironclad and our actions as steadfast. Surmounting and benefiting from life’s earth-shattering surprises isn't easy but not impossible, either.
Arianna Huffington, founder and former CEO of The Huffington Post and CEO of Thrive Global, said this seismic pandemic is an opportunity for us to reconnect with some of the essential truths about ourselves that we might have forgotten: “There are two threads running through our lives. One is pulling us into the world to achieve and make things happen, the other is pulling us back from the world to nourish, replenish, and refuel ourselves. If we ignore the second thread, it is much harder, especially during these times, to connect with ourselves and with those around us.”
Each of us has the power to choose how we respond to adversity. Instead of letting the situation dictate our state of mind, we can decide our perspective of the ups-and-downs, keep ourselves grounded over the long haul, and stay connected to the essence of who we are. Adversity’s gift might just be the renewal of personal reflection, contemplation, meditation, and prayer—all of which can help us rediscover what really matters to us and help us stay calm in heart and mind when everything around us seems to be falling apart. We are more alive when we’re at peace with ourselves, when we have a mind that’s resting. A resting mind is a mind without imperative—one in which we don’t need anything to be different. It allows us to relax and enjoy things around us without the urge to change them, get rid of them, or avoid them. Resting minds and calm hearts allow us to act instead of react to adversity.
In the same way an acorn contains within it a mighty oak, we contain deep within us tremendous roots of strength. Living in the shallow eclipses those roots and can even make us feel like an acorn instead of a giant oak. Perhaps the biggest gift in the current seismic event is to reacquaint us with our resilience and a deeper appreciation and richer meaning to our lives that we might have overlooked or taken for granted before COVID-19.
The collective selflessness of heartspeak and reaching out to alleviate the suffering of the sick and vulnerable has the potential to heal us from the wear and tear of turmoil and uncertainty and unite us in our humanity. An amputee from the Iraq War counsels other disabled soldiers. A woman diagnosed with breast cancer volunteers time to help raise money for cancer research. Thousands of retired medical personnel and first responders come back to serve on the front lines of the coronavirus. And an upholstery factory transforms its product into masks for those at risk.
Whether you’re sheltering in place or serving on the front lines, the current seismic event will try to uproot you. But if you keep your feet firmly planted on the ground, your deep roots cannot be reached even by a hard frost. During these challenging times, examine your heart and mind to discover how you can spread upward from the acorn into the giant oak you were meant to be and split the weight that has been holding you down.