5 Ways to Feel Happier in Tough Times
Like the end of the rainbow, happiness always seems slightly out of reach. We tell ourselves that if we could only change our job, get married or divorced, buy a new house, get a pay rise or reach retirement, then we’ll be rewarded with a deeper and more permanent sense of happiness.
At one level this makes logical sense. We wake up each morning into a sea of mundane duties, negative thoughts and feelings, complicated relationships and global crises, and we say to ourselves, ‘There’s no happiness to be found in the here and now, so I’ll hold out for better times tomorrow.’
But it becomes problematic if we keep deferring happiness to the future. When tomorrow comes, it’s turned into today. Life continues to serve up new, unwanted challenges and difficult thoughts and feelings. Even if we get that pay rise or settle into our new house, the euphoria quickly passes and happiness seems out of reach again.
We need to find ways to experience happiness in the messy reality of today, with all its disappointments and imperfections. That’s not to say we shouldn’t dream of better times – hope is a triumph of the human story – but joy is found in the present, not the future. We want to live in the experience of it rather than the expectation of it.
The exciting news is we can make small, evidence-based changes each day that accumulate over time to deepen our experience of joy and happiness.
1. Come into the now.
Broadly speaking, rumination is unhealthy. A ground-breaking study by psychologists at Harvard University gathered 250,000 data points on subjects' thoughts, feelings and actions as they conducted their daily lives. The conclusion was stark: the more our mind wanders away from the present moment – and on average it does so for 47% of our waking day – the more vulnerable we are to stress, anxiety and depression.
Even people whose minds wandered to pleasant thoughts reported feeling less happy than people who kept their minds in the moment. This is a discipline we can practice hundreds of times each day. It requires noticing when you are falling into rumination and bringing your attention back into the present. Each time we return to the now, it’s a small victory in the happiness stakes.
2. Go to nature, or bring it to you.
The last year has seen a rush from urban environments towards nature, but does contact with the natural world make us happier? The answer appears to be ‘yes’. A study in the UK with more than 20,000 participants involved contacting people at random times via an app and asking them to rate their happiness level.
Each response was mapped against satellite data which recorded the habitat, weather conditions and daylight status for their exact location at that moment. While participants were mostly under 50 and wealthier than the median, they felt significantly and substantially happier when they were outdoors in natural habitats, based on more than a million responses.
What about the many people who have limited access to the countryside? A study using virtual reality (VR) devices gave people simulated exposure to nature and measured the impact on their nervous system, stress and attention levels. The conclusion was that simulated environments as well as exposure to daylight and indoor plants can positively impact our experience of happiness. If you can’t sit on a mountain, bring it to you.
3. Get present to what you have, not what you’re owed.
As a teenager living in India, I received a humbling but important lesson while working with amputees who had experienced horrific accidents on the roads and railways. These men were amongst the poorest in the world and faced an impossibly difficult journey to reintegrate into society, and yet they showed a remarkable appreciation for what they had instead of resenting what they’d lost.
I was there to support their rehabilitation, and yet they seemed to give more than they received. Day after day they taught me how to find joy in the little things. They savoured friendships, good company and each tiny step with their new prosthetic limbs. Instead of joy making them grateful, gratitude seemed to make them joyful.
Being thankful can be confused with positive thinking, putting on a front and rejecting unwelcome thoughts and feelings, but I would suggest that it’s none of these. It simply involves bringing your attention to what you have and what you can contribute, instead of what you don’t have and what you feel life owes you. Studies have shown that thankfulness brings our attention into the present moment and shifts it away from social comparisons that leave us feeling inadequate and dissatisfied.
4. Find small ways to develop and maintain connections.
One of the longest studies of physical and mental health in adult life, known as the Harvard Study of Adult Development, has been conducted over 80 years. Started in 1938, it initially followed 724 men and has now been extended to include their offspring and partners. The conclusion is that close relationships have a far higher impact on people’s physical health and experience of happiness than money or fame.
What can we learn from this research in practical terms? As the current director of the project Professor Robert Waldinger says, it’s easy to get isolated, to get caught up in work and to forget to maintain and develop our friendships and relationships. Making a conscious choice to do something small every day that increases our sense of connection with people has a direct link to our experience of happiness.
5. Build recovery into your day, every day.
We think of recovery as something that athletes do, but we all need it, now more than ever. Modern life is relentlessly volatile, uncertain and complex, evidenced by unprecedented levels of stress-related illness. As we wade through our list of obligations and commitments each day, it’s easy to drop out the things that bring us joy. Over time this leaves us with a rising sense of emptiness and exhaustion.
The 14th century derivation of the word enjoy is the French word enjoir which means, ‘To give joy, rejoice, take delight in.’ Do something that brings you joy and absorbs your attention for at least 15 minutes a day, preferably longer.
I love each of these practices because they involve making small daily choices that move us towards our values and bring us into the present moment. Most importantly, they are within our reach and they are available today, even when the outside world looks harsh and unforgiving.