Three Powerful Ways To Overcome Adversity
Through my work with executive leaders and frontline employees alike, I've found that the biggest obstacles most people encounter are themselves. When I'm advising them on topics such as workplace conflict, communication, leadership effectiveness and even employee engagement, we talk most about some ways to overcome the pressing business challenges and adversity they're facing.
Below are three powerful ways to overcome almost any challenge inside and outside the workplace:
1. Be A Little Obsessed
One of the things I've found on my journey is that the more I'm focused on achieving a certain goal, the less likely I am to let obstacles get in the way. My husband might say I can be obsessed. I like to call it focused.
Recently, I started an exercise program that has the word “obsession” in the title. Some people have shunned the name, but one thing is for sure: Everything about the program has been painstakingly planned out, and I've found that the experience quickly produces “obsession.” I became very focused on following the plan and eating well. I wanted to achieve a certain fitness level. My focus level produced the results.
Were there barriers that got in the way of daily nutrition and workouts? Absolutely. However, because of my sheer focus, I would choose alternate times and continue to move forward.
While I don’t love the word "obsession," I think that obsession, or intense focus, can be effective when you want to achieve more and bypass any obstacle in your path.
I recommend thinking about and then writing down a vision for yourself, including as much detail as possible. Make sure that it excites you enough that you never want to let it go. Once you have a vision that you dream and think about often, and it lights you up, it's much easier to become obsessed about overcoming anything that gets in your way. It's much harder to become obsessed when you don't have anything you're looking forward to or anything that excites you when you jump out of bed in the morning.
2. Don’t Try To Do It Alone
Leaders of teams often think that they must go it alone when it comes to overcoming challenges. Many leaders think that enlisting the help of those around them is a weakness. Recently, my kids have been calling me supermom. My social media friends have called me a superhero. Honestly, the thought makes me cringe.
When I think of superheroes, I think of incredible strength and the uncanny abilities to leap from tall buildings and withstand amazing amounts of torture. That's not me. I am breakable. I'm not perfect. The other day, I was talking to my eldest son about this, and he said: “Mom, superheroes aren’t perfect, or without faults. Superman had issues with kryptonite. Some others have real personality quirks. We don’t call you supermom because you're perfect; it’s just that you're strong, and we see you doing so much at one time while keeping it all together.” I have to admit that I was impressed by his response.
I'm intelligent enough to know that I'm not all-powerful and that I need help. I ask for it. I collaborate with others whose strengths balance my weaknesses. None of us can overcome every challenge alone. Reach out to someone as a sounding board to help you leap over your own obstacles.
3. Develop Resilience
Resilience is defined as “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.” Some of us were to born with significant resilience, but most of us have to work to develop it. In my first ever TEDx Talk, I shared my story of having to overcome adversity at a young age. I am biracial and multifaith, and for as long as I can remember, I was an outsider in my own family. I was never invited to family events. I was hidden from public gatherings of friends.
I had to do something to bypass that reality. I had to change my mind.
One of the strategies that I rely heavily on to build resilience is thinking of my mindset as having a switch that I can turn on or off when I choose. When I feel that something has impacted my mindset in an adverse way, I flip the switch and reframe the circumstance. First, I allow the reality of the situation to land on me for a short while. During this time, my thoughts might be irrational and less objective. Then, I change the situation into a positive one by thinking more rationally about what happened to me. I ask myself: "Wait a minute, this thing happened to me, but what can I do with it? How can it move me forward? Did it help me learn a valuable lesson that improves my life in some way?" By asking myself questions that make me think about positive possibilities, I begin to objectify the adversity and can start to come up with rational thoughts and solutions to overcome what happened to me. Anyone can do this. Take the irrational, and usually emotional, thoughts you're having and write them down. Then, list the rational thought that "matches" each irrational thought and put it next to it. Once you change your mind about the situation, it can be easy to come up with rational solutions to move forward.
In my TEDx Talk, I included a quote that I think speaks perfectly to this concept: “A setback is a setup for a comeback.” The setback is the obstacle you might be facing right now. The setup is what you make of the setback, or how you see it in a positive light. The comeback is the action that you take after you fully experience the setup.
If you want to move past almost any adversity with great speed, become a little obsessed, enlist others to help get you through it and be purposeful about becoming more resilient. You can leap over your challenges.