How Coming Together Can Save Your Life
Human beings have an infinite capacity to be kind, generous, and supportive of one another. When a crisis hits, we need each other even more, and in these moments of big disruption, people will rise to the occasion, pulling out all the stops to help each other. When that coming together happens, I call it the “huddle effect.” Suddenly, we realize how much we need each other to feel safe.
Recently, the World Economic Forum named 2023 the “Year of the Polycrisis” (many crises converging and intersecting simultaneously). These converging crises include political and economic upheaval, massive changes in the climate, rising inflation, and people feeling isolated, depressed, and burned out. Now, in this year of many crises, we need to evoke the "huddle effect" and rely on each other more–those closest in proximity to us–by gathering our neighbors, family, and friends for support.
In the early days of the pandemic, when massive fires were sweeping across California, my neighborhood experienced a massive blackout–our public utility company shut off all electricity for a week to lessen the potential for more fire outbreaks during the drought season. When that happened, my next-door neighbors turned on the only generator in the neighborhood and hosted a big dinner party outside. Everyone came together to break bread and enjoy each other’s company. We laughed and caught up on our lives, forgetting about the blackout, joking about the minor inconveniences of being without electricity, and feeling the support of our little village. We set aside political and other differences; we found comfort and support in each other’s company. We were in the middle of a "huddle effect."
Human beings need each other.
We’re pack animals who thrive in close contact with others. If you exist only for yourself, you risk losing out on one of the most meaningful aspects of the human experience: belonging. Being part of something larger than yourself is meaningful, fulfilling, and rewarding. Belonging is a primary reason people have children, impactful careers, friends, community support systems, and/or an abiding faith in a higher power.
The extended village provides the familial and societal context for your core belief systems. A loving, healthy village fosters life-affirming values. Kindness, consideration, and a healthy respect for others (inside and outside the group) are common hallmarks of a healthy human ecosystem. Conversely, a village where the members have suffered prolonged deprivation, separation, or mistreatment can become a breeding ground for fear and mistrust.
When we struggle with the effects of collective trauma–whether it’s a hardship we’ve experienced first-hand or something passed through the generations–a healthy support system is one of our frontline defenses. Creating and sustaining a healthy system allows us to build the psychological bridge from fear to love.
Human beings need each other for mental and emotional sustenance, and our nervous systems depend on each other for safety and connection. When you are separated from your village or lonely or isolated, there is a dramatic impact on your physical and emotional health. This isolation severely compromises your well-being. That’s why people seek companionship and support from others.
The benefits of belonging are astounding. It simply makes people healthier. Being an integral part of a social support system reduces the effect of chronic stress on your body dramatically because being in community reduces the overproduction of cortisol–the stress hormone. Belonging reduces your risk of heart disease and cancer while increasing your immune system’s resilience. Your brain works better because you’re not stuck in survival mode. You can feel safe again when you are part of a healthy community. Functioning from the higher-order adult brain (prefrontal cortex) increases our capacity to engage in meaningful conversations with others, listen without judgment, and seek understanding and solidarity in service of the greater good.
It becomes much easier to learn from others when you can abandon defensiveness and negative social conditioning. Proceeding in any interaction with curiosity and an open heart will create the space to learn from other people’s experiences without feeling overwhelmed or threatened. Belonging contributes to your growth and evolution and better enables you to thrive in your relationships.
Longevity is about proximity.
Author Susan Pinker wrote a book called The Village Effect, which refers to research from 2010 that examined a longitudinal study about relationships and mortality. The researchers reexamined the journals of more than 300,000 study participants over the course of more than seven years. They reviewed this material and concluded that people fully integrated and connected to their communities had half the risk of dying compared to those who lived solitary lives during that seven-year study. Proximity—regular, face-to-face contact with others—helps people thrive and abates loneliness.
Longevity is largely determined by your interactions with people who are in the closest proximity to you. Your next-door neighbor, the people in your office, the barista you order coffee from in the mornings–the people with whom you communicate regularly–may be more necessary even than your relatives. You have a higher chance of longevity if you are in daily contact with people in your extended circle. Pinker argues convincingly that “face-to-face contact is crucial for learning, happiness, resilience, and longevity.” Moreover, she states that “Social isolation is the public health risk of our time.”
According to the U.S. National Library of Medicine, loneliness is a very common condition, affecting up to 80 percent of people under 18 years old and 40 percent of people over 65. People can feel lonely or isolated following a bereavement or after relocating to a new city. Researchers call that “reactive loneliness.” However, as high as 15 to 30 percent of the population experience chronic loneliness, which can have serious consequences for our mental, emotional, and physical health.
Don’t wait for a crisis–find time to get support from your neighbors, support your village, and increase your longevity. Start by inviting your next-door neighbor over for coffee!