Time May Fly, But You’re The Pilot
There are many relationships that we think about, work on, have feelings about, and try to change. Our relationship with our friends, family, partner, kids, parents, boss, coworkers, and even ourselves are often ones that we think about, agonize over, and work to improve.
However, it is often our relationships with non-material things that we don’t think about but have a tremendous effect and drive us profoundly and unconsciously. This includes our relationship with money, sex, food, drugs (including alcohol), work, safety/security, and time. How we relate to these things affects how we feel, behave, and make choices. Yet we often navigate those relationships unconsciously without considering how we shape them.
Our relationship with time is one of the most important yet adversarial we have. It feels like there's never enough, it goes too quickly, or we are running out of it.
Or the opposite–time crawls by slowly, and we feel we are wasting it. Often, our relationship with time is not conscious or healthy–it feels as if it controls us and doesn’t treat us well.
How do we shift into a more healthy relationship with time? Like any relationship, it takes active participation and conscious effort to make it healthy.
Below is a list of seven suggestions to actively work on changing our relationship with time into a more conscious, healthy one:
1) Be aware of your language when thinking and talking about time. Our language helps shape relationships, and time is no exception. Create a new way of speaking about time that has to do with abundance, creativity, and ownership.
Instead of saying, “I ran out of time,” say, “I need to block out more time for that next time.” Write out limiting beliefs and create new, more empowered ones.
2) Take ownership over your time. We often feel there is never enough time but is that true? Yes, time is limited and precious, but there is a lot of it. Recognize this abundance. Often, it feels like there isn’t enough because we spend so much of it unconsciously–scrolling on our phones or getting distracted by unplanned tasks.
Lack of planning, sticking to the plan, and conscious choice about how to use time make us feel like we lack ownership of it. With no ownership, time feels like we are sitting on the back of a runaway horse. Take hold of the reins.
3) To manifest that empowerment, use time-related tools such as calendars, scheduling, alerts, and alarms. Use to-do lists and make sure they are manageable by separating them into categories of importance.
Worry less about things that can be set aside for a later date. Prioritize and stick to a plan. Sticking to a plan will empower you and teach you about what is an essential way to spend time and what isn’t.
4) Be honest about your priorities with yourself. Often we use time as an excuse for why we’re not doing something or as a reason to say “no.” We all do it: “Sorry, I don’t have the time.” This is a way of honoring our boundaries, but it’s not fully honest. We all have time—we just need to prioritize it because it isn’t unlimited. We choose to spend our time based on what we value.
If something is a priority, try to create the space. This also goes for self-care and rest. If our physical and mental health are essential (as they need to be), we will make the time for them and let something else go.
Multitasking may feel efficient, but the science is clear that we can only do one thing well at a time. Ultimately, multitasking might be what’s making time fly. It might also be why we feel more stressed and less productive.
5) Be one-pointed in your actions. Instead, focus on one thing (or one person) at any given moment. It will feel better, productivity will increase, and relationships will improve.
6) Don’t let things get familiar. Most of us have experienced the feeling that time is flying by faster every year. This is likely because of a phenomenon where we don’t notice things that become familiar. It’s like driving past your neighborhood on the way home without noticing any of it. It’s all familiar, and you’re on autopilot.
What if we stop letting that happen? What if we look at everything as if it were the first time we saw it? Time might suddenly become less blurry and place us entirely at the moment.
7) Appreciate life in the present moment. Time seems to slip away when we are mulling over the past or dreaming of the future. Each moment can be precious when we learn to value it. It can be hard to train our minds to stay present, but it helps us be in sync with time.
Practice being aware of the moment and fully present to slow down time (regular transcendental meditation can help this practice). Comment to yourself or others about your experience at the moment to be more fully in it.
The truth is, every day that we have is a tremendous gift. We use it to love, feel joy and laughter, listen to music, see nature, move, read, do meaningful work, and rest. If we think of time as a treat to be savored, we can become fully present and perhaps recognize how wonderful it is to be alive. Of course, many of the above suggestions can be more or less difficult depending upon factors such as neurodiversity, mental illness, trauma, and others. It may be that you only employ those suggestions that feel possible for you today, in whatever way you can.
But for all of us, the key is this: instead of focusing on how little time we have, we can appreciate it as a powerful and empowering gift.
Our relationship with time is one of the most important we have. And just like every relationship, we need to be present for it to be entirely ours.