How to Live More and Worry Less
Anxiety is an overwhelming feeling. Most of us have experienced anxious thoughts and feelings at some point in our lives. Some of us even experience these feelings daily. Today we’ll discuss strategies on how to worry less and live happier and more peaceful lives.
What causes us to feel anxious? There are four main triggers that cause worry in our lives:
The unpredictability of the future. The unknown is scary for many people, and not knowing exactly how something is going to go can induce a great deal of worry.
Our own expectations. Oftentimes, we want things to go a certain way and we become worried that things won’t go as planned.
The lack of control we have over the future. We know that it’s impossible to control the future, and it’s this very understanding that causes us to worry and feel anxious. We crave the very thing that we know we can’t have.
The high value we give to certain things that we want to control. The more something matters to us, the more we want things to go a certain way.
Let’s use an example to further explore these triggers. You’re going to the doctor tomorrow morning for a check-up. This event is in the future, but you’re probably not too worried about this appointment since it’s only a check-up. You also don’t feel a strong desire to control this scenario because the doctor is more knowledgeable than you. Last, the value we place on this check-up might not be very high because again, it’s just a routine visit.
Let’s tweak this scenario slightly. You still have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, but you’re finding out if you have life-threatening stage four cancer. You probably want this appointment to go a certain way, and that is of course to find out that you’re okay. You crave control in this scenario because you want to find out that you’re healthy. And there isn’t much that you can do besides wait; you worry as a result. Lastly, you want to live a long and healthy life so you place a very high value on this doctor’s visit.
These two examples illustrate how worry can get a hold of our hearts and, as a result, cause us to struggle. You may be thinking, wanting to be healthy and live is a legitimate worry! And we’ll get to that in just a moment. For now, let’s focus on the fact that the steps laid out can be applied to any scenario. Maybe we have a test tomorrow, or a first date, or plan to remodel the kitchen. Some of these may even sound silly to you, but when the worries belong to us, it’s a different story. These worries can feel debilitating at times and may even result in a panic attack. For those who have experienced a panic attack, you know how scary they can be.
How do we free ourselves from these worries?
The first thing we want to do is gather and assess information, as objectively as possible. Can you imagine if your doctor worried about every case that he or she faced? They’d be exhausted. They don’t do this because they are realistic and solution-based. They also have a deep understanding of what they can and cannot control, and they choose to focus on the things that they can control.
When we take a step back and assess the situation, we’re able to better understand what we have control over and what we don’t have control over. Once we’ve identified the thing we can control, we have the capability to tackle our problems by getting chemotherapy, or counseling, or getting into debt collection, or whatever it may be. The best way to tackle our worries is by taking action on the things that are within our control, not focusing on the things we can’t.
We can prefer things to go a certain way, but it’s important that we don’t require them to. Life doesn’t always go the way we planned, and once we accept this fact, we can lead happier lives. If we fight life and try to control the uncontrollable, we will suffer. This is because things often don’t go as planned, and it’s important to recognize that and prepare ourselves accordingly. I’m not providing you with new information here. We all know that life doesn’t always go the way we intended it to, but if we want to be happy throughout our lives, it’s important that we accept life when it takes a different path than the one we originally chose.
And last but not least, let’s explore the high value we place on the things we want to control. We want to make happiness our highest value. This moves the focus from how we can control situations to how we respond to situations and problems. We are only in control of our internal reactions and outward responses to life. When we internalize this fact and place our own peace and happiness above anything else, we can relax a bit. We’re able to relax because we now understand that some things may not go our way; there is no sense in worrying about the things we cannot control. I would even argue that when we let go of this control, we are happier. Instead of focusing on our worries about the future, we can enjoy the journey and place a higher value on the joyful times.
Realizing that whatever path life takes us, we can still achieve happiness and peace, is incredibly freeing. We can say, “life, whatever you give me, I will work towards accepting and loving it.” If we choose to respond well to whatever life gives us, we’ll find that peace is always there beside us, walking us home.