Are You Too Sensitive or is Sensitivity Your Strength?
Some people feel things more than others, they are more deeply affected. Is this a weakness or a strength? The media would have us believe that it’s good to be tough—they refer to the “snowflake generation” who can’t withstand life’s travails. Or to someone who’s “tough on crime.” The alternative view, which is mine, is that sensitive people are more acutely attuned to their own emotional response and also to that of others. They don’t walk around with a suit of armor against their emotions on and, indeed, they must be careful to protect themselves to some extent.
Often people who are more sensitive act as the “canaries in the coal mine.” They are the first people to react when things go amiss. They have great intuition and tend to pick up more on physical clues exhibited by others. Something as subtle as crossing one's arms or a small shrug can alert those who are more sensitive to the distress or resistance of another. These people make great nurses, doctors, human resources personnel, and therapists! However, they need to guard against anxiety and depression which can go along with being finely tuned to one’s own emotions or those of others. These people often describe themselves as being “raw” or exposed” and indeed, they are.
However, being emotionally resilient is not about not feeling our emotions. It is about feeling our feelings and being able to deal with them in a healthy way. We need to share how we feel with others, we need to share how their behaviour affects us and we need to set boundaries for those who would use us to make themselves feel better. Sensitive people are very attractive to those who lack sensitivity as they act as a conduit for those people to express themselves or unload. The sensitive person must not allow this as they can easily become overwhelmed and anxious.
It is good to be able to listen to others and exhibit kindness and compassion but it is not okay to act as a sponge for others’ leaky emotions. These are people who are not regulating their own emotions but are offloading on you in the hope that you will regulate their emotions for them. This is not healthy and must be guarded against. You can be kind and empathetic without taking on another's emotions; you must guard against feeling anything except your own emotions which can be to feel sad or happy for another but not on behalf of another.
Fortunately, the world is changing its opinion of what it means to be “tough.” We no longer appreciate bosses who override people’s emotions and opinions; we warm much more to those who can empathise and identify with others. Indifference and a lack of empathy is not an asset in any walk of life. Mr. Biden was able to share the emotional events of his life and how they had affected him and the American public did not see this as a weakness but as a strength. Appropriately expressed emotions are very attractive and give permission for others to feel their feelings. To be human is to “feel” both hard to experience emotions such as fear, anger, and sadness and also joyous emotions such as happiness and wonder. Without the lows, it is hard to appreciate the glory of the highs. To be sensitive is a gift, which if used well, can enhance our own lives and that of others.