When do you do the right thing?
We all know the right thing to do in most cases. Do we always do it, though?
Sometimes our responses are conditional. I ran across a few soul-searching questions, developed by human resources consultant and writer George J. Ziogas, that shed some light on the subject. The issues range from simple to complex:
You’re in the kitchen, grabbing a drink, when an ice cube goes flying onto the floor. What do you do?
You’re out on a hike and spot some candy wrappers on the trail. What do you do?
You’re on public transportation. Your feet hurt, and your back is aching. An elderly person boards. Do you offer him or her your seat?
You’re out walking your dog. He just did his business in someone’s yard, but nobody is around. Do you pick up after him?
In these situations, the right thing to do is pretty evident. Do you do it, or do you opt for the easy way out?
Leaky margins
This got me thinking about the subject of “leaky margins,” a term that originated with dentistry, and has recently been associated with a lack of integrity. There may be areas in which you have leaky margins — gaps in your integrity. And this can chip away at your own personal essence.
The earlier scenarios just scratch the surface. Digging deeper, Ziogas identifies characteristics that could result in your being a toxic influence on your friends and associates.
You don’t respect boundaries
If you refuse to take “no” for an answer, you’re likely violating someone’s boundaries. This could take the form of guilting someone into doing something for you — or taking advantage of someone’s tendencies to be a pushover, Ziogas explains. You may think your intensity and persistence are strong traits, although they’re actually disrespectful.
You can be manipulative
You may be great at offering kindness, but mainly when it benefits you, observes Ziogas. You look for ways to manipulate others into behaving the way you want them to. Decent people don’t need something in return for their kindness.
You refuse to take responsibility
If you can’t be accountable for your behavior — and always look to blame others — you likely have some integrity issues.
You take more than you giveRelationships are a two-way street. They ebb and flow. Sometimes you give more, and sometimes you take more. It all depends on the situation. If you’re constantly a taker, though, that’s a red flag.
You have control issues
This is a tricky one, especially if you’re a proactive goal-oriented person. You may feel like taking charge — and taking action — are the right things to do. While this is often the case, you have problems turning off this personal trait. And then you try to force things — and end up bulldozing your way through.
You revel in others’ misfortune
“You may not be proud of it, but there’s a part of you that gets a sense of satisfaction when things are falling apart for other people,” says Ziogas. “Whether a dramatic breakup is unfolding in front of you — or there’s a disaster on the news — you get a perverse delight from it.”
Ouch. That speaks volumes. Ziogas explains that it may be a way of compensating for one’s own shortcomings. Still, this seems pretty extreme. “If that’s the only thing that makes you feel better when you’re going through your own trouble,” Ziogas explains, “then you’re reaching a point of no return.
Five points of power
I return to these “Five Points of Power” I learned at a Life Design seminar years ago. They’re posted on my bathroom mirror and serve as a daily touchstone.
Pay attention. Be aware of what goes on in your life. When you’re on autopilot, you’re giving away your power to choose.
Keep your agreements. All of your agreements, including those with yourself. There are always consequences for keeping or for breaking agreements. Acknowledging broken agreements keeps you conscious of what is more important in your life. Remember that you can accept or decline requests — and make new agreements.
Be accountable for your own experience. Every time things were going well in your life, you were present. The opposite is also true. You’re not responsible for the actions or feelings of others. You are accountable for your own actions, though, and how you respond to circumstances in your life.
Speak the truth. Especially about how you observe yourself. When you speak the truth, you create more peacefulness in your life.
Ask for what you want. All of what you want — without withholding. Allow others to accept or decline your request. You can choose to make another offer. When you make requests, people see more clearly what is important to you.
Doing the right thing is an ongoing state of awareness. None of us can predict what will come across our paths at every moment. There may be times when you’ve intended to do the right thing — and weren’t able to execute those intentions.
Just pay attention. And acknowledge your behaviors. Even when no one is watching.