7 Alternatives to 'How Are You?' and 'Fine'
A Martian visiting Earth would have a hard time understanding why so many interactions begin with, “Hi, how are you?" "Fine. How are you?" "Fine.”
Yes, that's a social convention, a nicety designed to acknowledge the other person and give a moment to gather thoughts. But you might want an alternative or two to that old standard.
Use those words but change the tone. If you don’t want to appear like you’re trying to be different for difference’s sake, stay with “Hi, how are you?" "but use a tone that conveys sincerity and that it’s a conversation starter. For example, you might look the person in the eye and say, "Hi, how are you?" And if you’re not that fine you might respond, “fine” using a tone that conveys that.
“I'm OK, I’ve been thinking about X.” That moves the conversation from a broad assessment of how each of you are—"Fine," "Fine"— to talking about something you’re interested in. Sometimes, just explaining what you're thinking about can deepen your understanding of it. Plus, you’ve given the other person a chance to agree, disagree, or amplify. Alex Epstein in Crafty Screenwriting encourages writers to summarize their scripts to as many people as possible—it gets better with each explanation. That's true no matter what you're trying to explain.
“OK. I’m looking forward to X." That sets the stage for an upbeat conversation. You telling yours can encourage the person to tell theirs.
“I’m hanging in, ” or “ I’ve been better. ” Of course, those open the door to a more personal conversation, but they pressure the person to engage at that level, which only sometimes is reasonable.
“I’m fantastic.” Be wary of using that one. It can be perceived as hyperbole and, even if you are doing fantastically, some people will bristle at your braggadocio, especially if their life isn’t fantastic.
“I dunno. I just put one foot in front of the other.” Recently, when a friend asked me, “How are you?" I responded with that. I don’t necessarily evaluate how I am in toto, I just try to stay focused on whatever I’m doing. So that response was candid. When I said that, he responded with something less obligatory and more interesting than the standard, “Fine."
The takeaway
Might you want to keep one or more of those (or better, your own) alternative conversation-starters in your quiver for when you’d like an alternative to “Hi, how are you?" and "Fine”?