Is It Good to Put on a Brave Face?
Fake happiness isn't the real thing; but there are some amazing benefits
Facial expression alone, without even feeling the corresponding emotion, is enough to create noticeable changes in your autonomic nervous system.
We all need to fake happy emotions sometimes. But be sure to create the space to process the difficult emotions too.
In times of uncertainty, many people feel like they need to put on a brave face, for their children or for others that care about them, even though they may have felt differently on the inside. Should you ever just pretend to be happy when you’re not? The answer is more complex than you might think.
Is faking happiness as good as the real thing?
Faking happiness doesn’t count as happiness, of course; it won’t bring all the positive benefits that genuine happiness will. But when you paste on a smile, there is something at work that is pretty amazing: facial expressions themselves can actually make us feel. If you wrinkle your nose and narrow your eyes as you would if you were furious, your body will release some adrenaline and your heart rate may speed up as if you were actually angry.
The same thing is true for other emotions. This means that sometimes we should just smile, even if we don’t feel like it. As horribly forced as that sounds, there is solid science to back up the notion that this will, in fact, make us feel happier.
Facial expression alone, without even feeling the corresponding emotion, is enough to create noticeable changes in your autonomic nervous system. Force a smile and crinkle your eyes, and your body will release all kinds of feel-good brain chemicals into your system.
You can even try holding a pencil between your teeth — which activates your smile muscles — and you will probably find that your heart rate goes down and you felt calmer, happier. One study shows you’ll also find things funnier for a while (but you may also drool).
I’m not advocating that we force ourselves or our children to smile when we’re in the thick of bad feelings. When kids are feeling anxious or just pretty upset, we need to emotion-coach them so that they learn to deal with their negative emotions. This means helping them to name the emotions, express that feeling safely, and learn skills to help them move on and become absorbed in an activity that will helpfully move them on to another range of experiences.
Find time and space to process your deeper feelings
If you’ve dealt with your negative emotions and are ready to feel better, paste on that smile if that’s what you need to do.
Just remember to create some space for you to be with your vulnerabilities safely. For you, that might reach out to family and friends — or it might be talking to someone who isn’t immediately connected with you if that feels safer right now. That might mean reaching out to a mental health service or a counselling helpline in your area.
So, yes — sometimes it’s necessary to put on a brave face. I get it. Just don’t forget that even superheroes change out of their costumes and let the mask slip when in the company of their trusted besties. Take the time to do that for yourself too.