Why Is It So Difficult, and Vital, to Be Humble?
The demands of Western societies do not promote humility.
The key to our happiness is knowing and prioritizing what truly makes us happy.
Humility is associated with a larger appreciation of life, and love can't prevail without humility.
A call for humility is a core element of most major religions or spiritual teachings. In Matthew 18:4, Jesus says: “Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” Similar sentiments can be found in Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and other religions. Humility is also considered a virtue by many philosophers, even considered central by Immanuel Kant. Yet, we tend to spend most of our lives working to achieve the opposite of humility—we strive for recognition, exceptionalism, and elitism. We don’t want to be like others—we want to be above them.
Particularly in Western societies, there is a remarkable conflict between the call for humility by spiritual sources and the societal value system that rewards materialism, competitiveness, and prominence. General wisdom is that it’s harder to advance our career when we humbly stand back instead of promoting ourselves (“nice guys finish last”). Humility is frequently perceived as a weakness.
The drive for power and influence is one of many human instincts which may be associated with some benefit to the species. It’s intuitive that more powerful individuals have more resources to attract mating partners and provide for offspring, i.e., fulfill the evolutionary mandate. Egotism and ambition may also lead to achievements among a group that may benefit others, e.g., invention or business. On the other hand, too much competitiveness may be alienating and can provoke conflicts that may be detrimental to the individual and the species. As with everything else, balance is the key to optimal thriving in life.
The Humble Have an Appreciation for Living
The opposite of presumptuousness and egotism is humility, which has important benefits to the individual and society. Humility is associated with avoiding conflict, fostering reconciliation, acceptance, and peaceful coexistence. We generally perceive humility as a positive trait in people, even feel naturally drawn to humble individuals. Humility is also associated with personal happiness. Humble people generally have a great appreciation for living and for day-to-day experiences, they are often family- and relationship-oriented. The call for humility by spiritual leaders and philosophers is likely grounded in the observation that humility is associated with a larger appreciation of life, relationships, and god.
A proposed mechanism of how a humble mind elicits these effects is by freeing our mind from the conflicts of desire. There is barely a moment in our lives when we are not confronted with some kind of yearning or need. Many of these fulfill basic functions and thus are necessary to sustain life, e.g., craving to eat, drink, rest, comfort, etc. They may temporarily preoccupy our minds but may otherwise not represent a major distraction.
In excess, however, desire can consume our minds and may blind us to the fortune of our existence. We all know individuals who seem obsessively driven by some form of craving, e.g., wealth, beauty, status, etc. Their mind tells them that these things will make them feel fulfilled, and they won’t rest until they achieve their goal. However, desire does not have to be driven by some lofty idea—any desire distracts our mind. In our busy lives, there’s barely a moment when we don’t feel there’s something we “should be” accomplishing. Many of these may be indeed necessary to support our lives—but many may not.
The Undistracted and Humble Mind
The absence of desire is linked to contentment. Our mind is not distracted then and is free to be in the moment. An undistracted mind may allow us to notice the immense gift of life and appreciation of those around us. Above all, we may discover an appreciation of life—all life.
The irony of our intense curiosity of finding life on distant planets, most recently Mars, is that we are often dismissive, or oblivious, to the amazing life on earth while we hugely value even the smallest hint of life form elsewhere.
Humility and love are closely connected. A brazen-faced person typically is too engaged with himself or herself to appreciate the beauty in others and the world. Love requires humility. It is no coincidence that masters of love, e.g., Jesus or the Buddha, exemplified humility. Love and humility go hand in hand.
Just as it takes effort to be an actively loving person, it is hard to practice humility. We must overcome some of our innate egotistic instincts (the inner “demons”) to remain humble. We need to overcome them incessantly, not just occasionally. Most difficult of all, we need to constantly battle the expectations of society and our environment. We may need to accept that humility may stand in the way of occupying prominent positions in business or administration. We may need to accept that we may not receive the desired recognition and admiration from others.
Wisdom comes from recognizing what is good for us and in life (generally), independently of what society tells you. Humility may make it harder for us to compete in a capitalistic world—but it makes us and the world around us happier. Humility allows us to appreciate life and to fully engage in love.
Can we be humble and ambitious? Yes, we can, but only if we compromise on both ends. As with any compromise, we won’t reach our full potential on either goal as we try to balance them both. Yet, a compromise between humility and ambitiousness may be more feasible to accomplish for many of us. In the end, it’s our decision—it’s up to us to choose wisely.