Being Loved as You Are
Linda: The most successful relationships are those where both partners feel that they are with someone that they can depend upon and who accepts them. They trust that their partner can be trusted not to hurt them, who will be supportive, and who won’t use what was shared in an emotionally vulnerable moment against them. They feel seen for their positive attributes and know that despite their dark shadowy aspects, they are loved anyway. When we know that we are loved “as is” we are free to delight in the joys of success and to risk-taking on the challenges and sorrows that every relationship goes through.
When we experience being deeply loved, we can begin to feel more comfortable in our own skin. Much of the frantic energy that drives so many of us has to do with running away from ourselves because we’ve never learned to free ourselves of the self-judgments that we’ve inherited from our families and our culture. As we come to accept and appreciate ourselves, warts and all, “rush-a-holism” diminishes and eventually disappears. We can experience the whole spectrum of connectedness from the deepest of intimate bonding to the peaceful tranquility that emerges in a solitary retreat.
Being loved “as is”:
Helps me to feel accepted exactly like I am
Rather than encouraging complacency, it inspires me to become more of who I can be
Lowers my insecurity, fear, and anxiety
Prompts me to a higher level of responsibility
Allows me to feel abundant so I have more to contribute
Challenges me to grow and develop more of myself
Brings forth my potential, my best self
Allows me to experience peace of mind
Gives me a full soul tank so that I work in a more focused and efficient way
Encourages me to take risks trusting that I have a safe haven to return to
Helps me feel safe in a challenging world
Helps me accept my imperfections
Builds self-esteem and self-confidence
Allows me to feel securely bonded
Propels me to pass on the love to all those whose lives I touch
Allows me to become more whole
Personal Note from the author:
For many people in our culture today, marriage is going out of vogue. Often, I find myself saying, “Marriage is the best thing that ever happened to me.” Marriage is the place where I learned how to love in a big, grand, and comprehensive way. And it is the place where I finally, at long last, feel that I am loved with my flaws. Marriage has been the corrective experience that has allowed me to trust that I can depend on someone to show up with and for me. My husband has been able to hold my feelings with me without passing judgment, which has been a lifesaver when I have been challenged with my own self-judgments or the judgments of others. We have practiced for years how to move back and forth between times of merger to times of separateness. It is this dynamic connection with someone who truly values me that has allowed me to become more of who I can be.