14 Valentine’s Day Actions That Beat Roses and Chocolate
In the beginning of a relationship, flowers and candy may be appreciated despite being so standard. But later, for your gift to feel less obligatory and more important, something less cliched is required. The following acts of kindness may be particularly welcome.
Gift certificates of your time
On that Valentine’s Day card, instead of just adding, “Love” to the preprinted message, add the words “Gift Certificate for” and one of the following:
Undivided attention for one hour to be used all at once or divided up. Undivided attention is a centerpiece of a good relationship. Perhaps seeing that hour’s benefits could motivate both of you to continue offering stints of undivided attention.
A temporary improvement, for example, an hour of only positive statements, a morning of concerted job searching, or 24 hours without alcohol or drugs. As with undivided attention, sometimes, temporary kick-starts permanent.
A day trip or a shorter version, for example, a walk through your favorite woods or shopping district. Perhaps agree to discuss a thorny issue that the two of you have been putting off.
Doing something with your partner that s/he likes more than you do. Perhaps it’s a TV show, a drive to nowhere, or something sexual.
A chore you wouldn’t normally do, perhaps vacuum, the laundry, clean one room, the garage, or front yard.
An hour of quiet time: when your partner can do whatever s/he wants undisturbed.
Cook or bake your partner’s favorite thing
Bring breakfast to bed.
A special brown-bag lunch, including a love note.
An open-ended gift certificate, e.g., “Whatever you want . . . within reason, or within some reason”
Concrete but not cliched gifts
Is there a not too-practical item your partner would cherish? For example, I have a client who, for Valentine’s Day, has ordered the local specialty from his wife's hometown: Nanaimo bars: a dessert consisting of layers of chocolate, coconut, and custard.
A card on which you hand-write the top 10 things you like about your partner.
A plaque or framed photo honoring your partner's accomplishment: perhaps the excellent performance review, that time s/he made the newspaper, or holding the newborn.
A collage of the love letters or the touching photos or videos of the two of you.
The takeaway
Do you want to give one of these to your partner? Would you like your partner to give you one? If not one of those, do they trigger something you’d more like to give or get? Is it worth asking for what you want?