Skill, Not Will
Self-help books eclipsed cookbooks years ago. Apparently we're all hungry forsomething besides a good meal. The proliferation of self-help books and Web sites suggests a need, but it doesn't guarantee fulfillment. Does self-help really work?
We can, in fact, produce meaningful changes in our lives--not only in our relationships and waistlines, but in our behavior and moods and "personalities." Shy people can become more outgoing; the disorganized can become more fastidious; the self-obsessed can become more caring. But how? In his recent book, The Other Great Depression, comedian Richard Lewis chronicles his successful battle against substance abuse and depression. His shift to sobriety and sanity came suddenly after a kind of "bottoming out." The precise mechanism of change, unfortunately, is unclear. George W. Bush seems to have undergone a similar transformation at age 40; again, the change seems sudden and mysterious. Although such changes can be real and lasting, their very mysteriousness makes them all but useless, for people searching for practical techniques.
Sometimes people speak of "willpower" as the key to change; motivational gurus exhort large crowds to "will" themselves to a better life. But willpower, too, is of limited use for most people. A day or two after a motivational lecture, the excitement fades and real life returns. The alternative to will is skill, and, fortunately, skills can be learned and mastered. Counselors, therapists--and, yes, even self-help books, videos and Web sites--can teach specific skills which, when practiced regularly, produce real change. We take it for granted that we can learn to drive a car, that we'll hit a few curbs at first, and that we'll eventually drive smoothly. A variety of self-change skills can also be learned and mastered--relaxation skills, stress-management skills and more.
But here's the kicker: We're all taught to drive, but not one of us is taught the basic skills we need for living and changing. That's why we drive, in droves, to therapists and bookstores. And that's why, presumably, you're reading this magazine. In this issue, Annie Murphy Paul and the late Dr. Stephen B. Fried will help you navigate the world of self-help, and you'll also learn the latest on getting kids off drugs, helping the mentally ill and improving your love life. Don't forget to check the oil.