Closing Out 2020 with Wisdom
A couple of years ago, I wrote, Making Peace with the End of the Year. Since most everyone agrees that 2020 has been a year like no other, it's time for an update.
In many ways, the events of 2020 on a global, national, and personal level stress-tested our relationships and commitments to selves and others. In some cases, abrupt and unexpected changes in routine led us to re-examine our priorities. What did you let go of this year? Was it voluntary, or did it simply happen out of your control? What did you embrace more strongly? In what ways did you deepen your commitments?
Here are six basic learning themes of 2020 culled from the research of best-selling psychology authors. These may provide a context for all you’ve learned this year.
6 Learning Themes of 2020
1. Pacing & Persevering
In 2020, things often did not go recording to schedule. Events and plans were canceled, delayed, or interrupted. These experiences tested our grit. According to Angela Duckworth, grit combines passion and sustained persistence applied toward long-term achievement. It involves resilience, ambition, and self-control to pursue goals that take months, years, or even decades. Gritty people can focus on larger overarching goals and maintain a sense of purpose that keeps them on track even through setbacks. Many people experienced delays in their plans to move forward with things that they had planned to accomplish or experience. Things did not happen on the prescribed timeline. The challenge was to stay focused on long-term goals despite setbacks. Pacing oneself in pursuing goals without burning out by adjusting the pace.
2. Discerning No from Not Yet
Research on mindset shows that we are much more effective when focusing on learning rather than the outcome or performance. Did you accomplish your goals this year? No or not yet? According to Carol Dweck, a vital distinction of the growth or learning mindset is the ability to discern no from not yet. Seeing failure as diagnostic of ability can be a stumbling block to achieving success. It didn't work this time. Maybe you should try a different approach, rest and outcome again, or take no for an answer. Discerning no from not yet means not taking failure personally but learning from it and then deciding the best next step.
3. Not Why, but What?
In Insight, Tasha Eurich points out the pitfalls of introspection – wondering why things happened the way they did can lead us to down a rabbit hole of self-doubt and painful rumination. Instead of asking why things happened the way they did, ask what: What's next for me? What did I learn from that experience? What is the best course of action now? By asking what instead of why, we can create a sense of empowerment instead of helplessness.
4. Overcoming a Sense of Isolation
When unpleasant events happen, we tend to focus on ourselves and feel we are the only ones experiencing them. We can spiral into self-blame, thinking we are the only one who has ever felt disappointment or has made mistakes. According to Kristin Neff, a pivotal component to self-compassion is the ability to see one's common humanity. Everyone experiences suffering and pain as part of the human condition. Remembering that at any given moment, many people are experiencing pain and suffering just like you can help keep things in perspective.
5. Mindful Moments for Regulating Emotions
For many, 2020 provided an abundance of opportunities to work with emotions. In Permission to Feel, Marc Brackett uses the acronym RULER for five skills to manage emotions. The first three skills (Recognizing, Understanding, Labeling) help us accurately identify and decode what we and others feel. The two remaining skills (Expressing, Regulating) tell us how we can manage those emotions to achieve our desired goals. Regulating involves body-centered techniques that keep us aware of our feelings so we can manage them – rather than letting them control us.
6. Practicing Gratitude.
Robert Emmons' research shows that practicing gratitude has enormous benefits for our physical health, emotional well-being, and the quality of our relationships. Now is the perfect time to cultivate gratitude for all you have released and all that remains at the end of a challenging year. It can be as simple as being grateful for your breath, your body, the food you have to eat, and the roof over your head. It's easy to miss these simple things that make our lives possible.
Unexpected life-changing events can increase our tolerance for uncertainty and the unknown – and open us up to new possibilities. How have the experiences of 2020 changed you? What are you willing to consider now that would not have considered a year ago? How are you wiser?
Celebrate the lessons learned as the year ends -- and a fresh start!